What Being a Spiritual Warrior Means to Me

Calleen Wilder

spiritual warriors

I stumbled upon this today and had to share it with everyone… mainly because it spoke to me.  I can’t say I’m a Spiritual Warrior necessarily.  What I can say is that I’m someone who believes what they believe to an unshakable degree.  Something I didn’t really understand until my daughter passed away.

Before then I was very spiritual.  I also had a tremendous faith in what I believed.  But, what I came to understand is that when you’re that destroyed, that shattered, and that vulnerable, your faith really is all you have left.  All words, platitudes, and even the sincerest of actions bring you no comfort.  Nope.  Only your sincerest of beliefs about “what is next” can do that.

And as those of you who have read my book about this time in my life know, I wasn’t immediately comforted by my beliefs… quite the opposite.  I was angry.  I was furious.  I felt betrayed, abandoned, and lied to by those I believed held the highest of powers.  AND… I had no hesitation about expressing that.

Yet in the end, when the dust subsides and the shock passes, as the grief settles into your bones and a familiar new way of being takes hold, you have to stand back up.  You have to find your foundation, your platform, perhaps even a reason for going on… maybe better said, you have to figure out how to survive this.  That’s precisely when you begin to sort through your deepest knowings in order to uncover what you really believe, from the deepest recesses of your heart and soul, to be true… to be valuable… to be helpful.

Consequently, after having walked through my own personal hell I can honestly say that my beliefs have never been stronger, nor has my ability to understand, empathize, and genuinely care about others who may be required to walk a similar path.

I no longer care one iota what anyone else’s beliefs are.  I only care that everyone has something to believe in.  You see I know just how desperately you may need it one day.  I also honor whatever it is that gets you through these dark-night-of-the-soul moments.

And while I’ve had many heartbreaks over the course of my life, I’ve learned it takes a certain leveling-of-the-ego to truly drive you to your deepest beliefs, perhaps via your deepest despair.  Thus, there always seems to be another level of “knowing”.

Still, as a result of my hardest lesson yet, I realize I’ve become a very different person in some ways.  Granted, a part of the “before me” is still alive, sarcastic, blunt, perfectionistic, loves to laugh, and is very well.  It’s simply when it comes to the really “big” things I find I’ve changed… in a really big way.

Big things like integrity, honor, truthfulness, empathy, and a real caring for those around us matter even more to me than they used to.  Not that I leave no room for mistakes in my life, because I still make tons… more so that I don’t let myself off the proverbial hook so easily now.  I’m accountable.

I also find that I fight for my own peace, as well as my ability to live my life on my terms, much more ruggedly now.  I’ve learned that I’ve had to remove some things and people from my life, as well as add a few others, if I am to survive this with any degree of sanity.

In the end I’ve learned how precious time is.  I’ve learned how precious living is.  I’ve also learned how precious your faith is.  So I live accordingly.  I honor life and love in a whole new way now that I really understand just how fleeting all of it really is.

Spiritual Warrior?  I don’t know.  I only know I had to unearth precisely what my spiritual beliefs really were… mostly out of utter necessity.  This meant I had to reshuffle my priorities, in many areas of my life, in order to allow these beliefs to breathe.  So yes, I’m a warrior of my beliefs, because I fought hard to maintain them.

The best news is, if I say something to you, or promise you I’ll do something, I mean it… entirely.  I don’t have time for BS, platitudes, political correctness, or judgmental attitudes.  If I can help, I will.  If I can’t, I’ll tell you that too.  I realize your time is limited, so I won’t take it up with nonsense.

And yes, I absolutely honor your right to believe your way, as much as I honor my own.  Maybe that’s what a Spiritual Warrior is.  I’m not quite sure.  Still I’m open to learn.

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